And a child shall lead the way
Sound familiar? I don't know how it happened yet it did. I was sitting in meditation and I remembered myself as a child. It was as if she stepped out of my body to face me with memories and they were good. This was strange for me because as an adult I mostly saw the negative scenes and no matter how I tried to loosen them they were tied to me like old shoes to a runaway car. She landed in my lap and showed me the love of my father who had passed away in 1999. I thought I was resolved but no, It wasn't until last night when I visited the soulful workings of a man burdened by a war left to be played out inside him as a continuous record. Now that wasn't all, I cried, I cried because I remembered me.
My innocence found, my wisdom voice clear, was speaking to me about love. I bathed in the aura of my childhood. I knew how to relate to the natural world. I woke up each morning full of wonder. I played with the unseen forces.
The greatest teacher I could ever have is a child. She loves me unconditionally. In my Native American studies I have heard that children come into this world as elders and that to enter our final phase in living we must become as a child.
She appreciates that I speak to her just to let her know that I am aware of her presence. You see I didn't know that when I was depressed, lonely, angry or restless it was because she was calling out to me. I had forgotten about her. I thought that I was alone. People say that you’re never really alone because God is with you. I know now that I am never alone because my child self is with me. I can ask her advice. I can ask her first thing in the morning," What do you need?"
It now seems to me that most of my emotions are directly related to her. Do you know who your child self is? Where is he? Where is she? Now that I am grown it is my responsibility to look after this child every day. What did she like to do? Lie face down in the lawn and pretend she is as small as an ant crawling on a blade of grass, then turn over and face the sun with her eyes closed and watch the colors appear. When was the last time you had your nose in the grass, or sat against a tree, spoke to a caterpillar or watched the clouds? Give to yourself the magic of your child self. Fill your day with the laughter and warmth of a friendship long neglected some of whom have been abandoned.
May a reunion of the kind your heart has been longing for appear in the eyes of your child self.
Carol Petersen Perez